To be a friend...

Friendships are curious things. One day a friend is all over you and sharing with you the latest gossip from your circles and the next day, they are quiet, sullen, and somewhat aloof. 

Like a marriage, it takes two to tango. Friendships can go on for many years or stand still out in the cold, withering like a shriveled up leaf on the ground waiting to be tramped on. 

In my life I used to think having a lot of friends may enrich your life more. In my younger days I was not flavour of the month and throughout my teenage years I was teased all for just developing a lot quicker than my peers and for remaining true to who I am. 

As an adult my relationships have come and gone. Some have stayed and some have just popped in for awhile and fizzled out like a discarded balloon. One friendship that I have has lasted over thirty six years. Its incredible and there is not a day that goes past and I think of her and then she shows up on my doorstep with nibbles and sometimes wine and we chat about our life and the good old days. 

This woman is my best friend. Kay came into my world when I was a little  kid. A kid of about four or five and was about to embark on a journey and a new life heading into the unknown to a place called school. She was our boarder in our family home and took it upon herself to grab me and head off to her family's farm some weekends just to give my mother a break when she had my sister Sarah. Kay was this big tall slim 18 year old and I was smitten with her. 

Fast forward to today and we catch up whenever we can. I moved to my town that I reside in five years ago because of her. I know that if I am with her I feel everything. I feel my emotions are basking in the warmth and love she gives me and the wisdom that she has passed down to me over the years. 

Travel, a huge past time of mine has been a big part of my life. Kay was the one who planted that seed in my head when it was time for her to leave our nest and take the plunge and go overseas and do a stint over in the UK for a spell. Once Kay had left my family remained and three years after my sister was born we had my brother Rob, who turned out to be a sharp contrast to my sister and I. But Kay came back, she came back on holidays, she wrote to me and sent me postcards. Each letter would have a picture of a cartoon snake on it to which she named Alf and wherever Kay was in the world, Alf would be suitably dressed to match that country.... One day Alf was in France so he had a beret on his head and a scarf. Another day he was in the States eating a hamburger and so it went on.. Kay and Alf were always around. 

As I grew older I got to make other friends and one of which I stayed in touch with after I finished Primary school. In the years that went by we hardly saw one another but kept up the correspondence through letters to each other and the odd telephone call. I was her Hillary Whitney Essex (Beaches the movie) and she CC Bloom and every time we had some drama in our lives we were able to share it with one another and hoping and praying that neither of us thought we were mad for writing such stuff down in our letters. 

When I came back from Saudi Arabia after two years away, I had the chance to see my old school friend again. I couldn't wait and really was counting down the hours until I saw her. We arranged to meet in one of my favourite cafes in Hamilton as it was a convenient place for us to meet. When we saw each other there was the usual embrace but she was quick to tell me she didn't like my choice of venue and asked if we could leave and find something more in tune to what she liked. I did not mind and diligently followed her with my Jordanian partner in tow. But there was something strange about her, something that left me niggling about it afterwards and after eating my lunch with her, my Jordanian and her husband I felt uncomfortable. It was not until a week or so later I contacted her mother in law to speak to her and her mother in law was left with the task to say my so called old friend never wanted contact from me again. I was dumbfounded, shocked,  hurt and dismayed. What could I have done to have damaged our friendship I wondered and for weeks I moped in shock waiting for a call from her explaining she made a mistake. 

The call didn't come and I put it down to she had issues of her own. My friend had problems with her mental state before we met up and part of me wondered if this was something to do with it. It took me a long time to digest that friend had gone but I picked myself up and got up again and although I missed her chats, letters and later emails I knew I had better fish to fry. 

Now days I am becoming more aware of people, more cautious too when opening my mouth. Relationships for me are complex at the best of times but Kay is still there and I am grateful to that. 

In time I will write more on this subject but I hope you enjoyed today's piece.

The Mature student

It seems funny coming back on here after being away for a few  years. My last blog on here focused on a relationship that I had with a man that I thought I loved or at least I thought my heart loved. Things have changed somewhat since then, I erased the blog due to two readers who thought I could get done for opening up a can of worms on him and that his identity would be found out. I did not really care about that so much but it was the way the women did it that hurt the most. I have kept that blogs entries locked up inside one of my usb sticks and maybe one day reuse it again but just tweak a little and share it with the world once more. But for now this blog is just about me and my thoughts and if anyone is interested, feel free to come along and join me.

Last year was the last year for my degree. I felt proud of myself knowing that I had finished something which I could look back on in years to come and be confident knowing  it did me some good. When I started it, I was at cross roads with my life. It had its fair share of ups and downs and I was really not sure if I was up for it. The man I thought I loved encouraged me to do it and I guess when I started I knew there was no way I was going back. I was going to finish this degree come hell, rain or shine I was going to do it and do it to the best of my ability and in November I reflected back to when I had started remembering that once I had it, I could do anything.

I guess the biggest thing that I was facing was that back in 2010 when I started I was already considered a mature student. I was at crossroads because I had no idea what to study let alone what I wanted to do when I finished. I knew that I loved people, I loved culture and I certainly enjoyed a bit of psychology. I then made the plunge to ring my learning institution and asked to speak to someone about my options and by the end of the call I was convinced that I would study Social Sciences and as an extramural student.

The first year was not so bad, I passed well enough to go into my real first year. I had studied before in the past but nothing had equipped me for writing essays, I was hopeless at it and I know that I am still not the best essay writer. I had all the information, I knew what I wanted to say but it was the word count, the stupid bloody word count that let me down. One for researching I was often going outside the box and finding things that were really great in adding weight to what I was writing but sometimes I found myself writing too much and forgetting what the main points were and scoring just an average and told that it was great reading but it needs to stick to the main points. In time I got there but it wasn't easy. I knew I liked to write, research and seek answers but I took note of that comment each and every time I put pen to paper.

As time went on I gradually started to look at things that were around me. I noticed little things like signs on billboards and advertising on television. I read more about people than I ever did and I started to read things that I never thought I would. I started to watch the news a little less and picking up the paper with a new perspective. I did not become immune to watching the news but I knew that it was depressing and what we saw that night in the headlines was not necessarily the truth. I often seek the truth.

Studying started to really get me energised on mental level. It allowed my brain to focus on bits of information that others would forget about. I remember reading up on little tidbits of information that were yesterdays news to some but to me were as current as ever as I brought them to light when I wrote an essay or submitted a piece of work. In time I came to understand that the news can be anywhere, it could be on my own street from the two neighbours who gossiped about another to the new building that went up in town. I started to find my own news and that was far more interesting than what was on television.

In my second year I then took on a job at one of the local primary schools as an After school supervisor. This job gave me the much needed out I needed from my study each day and at times I dreaded going to work when I knew I had an assignment due. It was fantastic working with the children, I was well liked and a firm favourite with them as I spoke to them not at them when I was in their presence. I found that children were great at soaking up information too and I ended up teaching a few of the things I had be learning while I studied.

By the time year three and four came round I knew that I was on the homeward stretch. I had done so much yet felt at times I had only done so little because I lived alone and did not always have someone there to share what I had been learning. My soft toys must have enjoyed their lessons though!

So now as I write this blog my goal now is to return back to the workforce. To return with a fresh mind with  new ideas, new thoughts and information that may help some business grow. Its been a bit tough at times and I have had a few shortlists that I have been on but its hard at times as there are many others out there just doing the same thing. I try to stay focused and not let it get me down. I have also set myself a time frame, a time frame in which if I have not found a suitable position by say the end of March I will head overseas. English Language teaching may seem like a bit of a cliche but I know that it will help me even further towards reaching where I want to go.

My Godzone

Having a blog is a great idea if you want to get your message across. I have another couple that I have on WordPress but decided I would make one on here again after I felt I needed to get things out of my head and out and away from my mind. Whether this blog gets picked up and noticed is not a concern to me but as long as I can write, this is all that matters and what matters most to me right now is that I am happy and that what I am doing is fruitful and is worth writing about.

As a New Zealander I sometimes feel that we are often forgotten on the global map. There have been times where I have seen a globe in the background of a movie or a television show but New Zealand is left largely off it. Whilst living in Saudi Arabia in the early 2000's, I was quick to tell people where exactly New Zealand was and although I am of European descent, I am not actually from Europe. The truth was that very few had heard of us until I mentioned Australia, our nearest neighbour or 'across the ditch' as we like to call it. 

New Zealand is slowly but steadily growing as a nation. Up until several years ago there was only approximately 3.5 million of us. Now its growing closer to 5. Back when I was growing up, it was a real treat to go out for a meal. The meal that I ate was either something like a buffet style dinner or it was something very 80's which consisted of a chicken Kiev, shrimp cocktail, and breaded mussels. The food here in New Zealand has come a long way since then and with the influx of new people every day we can now see there are many other foods we can eat. Just recently I decided to introduce my mother to one of my favourite fruits. A delicious fruit that I believe tastes like ice cream. Its creamy texture, sweet but not over sweet flavour but its odour is one that one would hate to be stuck in a lift with if the lift broke down. It repulses people and its little wonder that there are signs plastered everywhere in Singapore hotels saying "NO DURIAN" wherever you go. The Durian fruit is a special kind of fruit and Mum had never tried one which I found surprising considering like me she has been to Asia. So when I purchased some that had already been cut and packaged I shared it with her. I think she let hers melt a little long as it comes frozen and the odour was already starting to permanent my living room. Still she did not hesitate to taste it and sadly she was not to appreciate its silky flavour and deliciousness that I had found several years ago. You can't win them all I guess. 

My nephew at the beach when he was younger

But as a country we are now seeing more and more make my country their own. It is refreshing to be able to walk down the street and see different faces and different races all melting together to call themselves a community and while my little town is not big by any stretch of the imagination, its nice to see that I can go and purchase goods from India or noodles from China as the township continues to grow. New Zealand is more than just sheep, its more than just its beef and lamb. It is a culture which is tucked away down the bottom of the southern hemisphere which is unique and has a culture all of its own. Many of us still like to be able to say hello to those who pass us on the street but as the years go by, there are some things that have changed. People are not as friendly, some see friendliness as there could be something wrong or something not be trusted if a person is too friendly. Its probably everywhere but people are becoming more cautious and rightly so, who isn't to say that neighbour next door from Yemen sold his kids so he could have a bit of money in his pocket. Not that it has happened here but its happened elsewhere like in the mother country England back in the early 1980's. New Zealand is a friendly country and many of us do work hard for what we do. We are the sort that are not afraid of getting stuck in and working our arses off and we are not afraid of hard work. We enjoy a challenge and we enjoy striving for what we want. We may not always win but we always give it our best. 

New Zealand for all its worth is my home, its where I have come back to after living abroad in both Saudi and in Australia. Its where I am considering leaving this year to work abroad but its where my roots are, where my childhood started and where my adulthood began. I believe that every New Zealand is a proud person, proud of who they are and where they come from. It shows in major international events and it shows in our faces when we have achieved and if we came second or third, it also shows we are not sore losers either.